Can you believe those clowns at RNG Industries (dba OSA) couldn’t even put out a full set of preseason predictions? Well that’s not a problem at Davey Industries! Nope, at this point this is a full-on rehash of the Monday Night Wars, circa 1999.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thanks to Cheese, Chros, Pander, and tbud for making this KNORTS the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To see the individual votes, click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n1. Hollywood
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Based on the investments made by Cheese over the past two seasons, anything less than a PL or ToC title will be a massive disappointment. – Davey
Cheese has ascended into top villain status in the league, and he is relishing the role. With Vidro, Fallows, and Umaba locked up long term, Cheese will annoy all of us for years to come. After winning this year’s PL and ToC, his next goal will be to have his entire roster 50% retained. – Chros
Rule #1 still applies. Also, I added Vidro, Fallows, and Ramon Rodriguez to the same team I had last year. – Cheese
The GM is very loud and very proud, but I don’t think they have the bullpen to keep up with PL teams and have very little wiggle room to fill that need. – Pander
The new kid on the block with rich parents to help pay for all of his new stuff. Can money by the best team? Maybe so but he gets to play some real competition this year. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n2. Northern Virginia
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As constructed the team is not the best in the PL, but they have nearly $30M in cap room and a lot of big names still available. If they add some combination of Castillo, McCoy, Vargas and\/or Hopper then they are going to blow teams away. – Pander
Davey will sign 1 or 2 mercs by the end of the week and his team will be dangerous, although not as soul crushing as a year ago. – Cheese
I’ll be fine. – Davey
King of the mountain until proven otherwise. As we stand there is a clear path to the downfall of NOVA but we all know he still has work to do in FA. – tbud
They have a few holes remaining and money to spend, so we will have to see which remaining FAs land in NoVa. Kop and Rubia will have to continue defying father time in order to slay Hollywood. Is Davey the lesser of two evils? – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n3. New Orleans
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5th Place Chase has a great ring to it. – Cheese
Added 6 new players this offseason but didn\u2019t touch the bullpen that I complained about so much. This ranking does not have the disappointment built in. – tbud
Massive improvements to the infield and outfield this offseason, and the bullpen can’t be as bad as they were last season. Right? – Davey
Spent all the monies in FA and added the most WAR to their team. They went balls deep this offseason and I love it! – Chros
Tbud has made all the right moves to take his team from middle of the pack to a serious contender. If NoVa doesn’t add more impact players to the roster, they are a serious threat. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n4. Greenville
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Bosma is the greatest producer of catchers and first basemen I’ve ever seen. If I trusted his run prevention he’d be right there with the top 2. – Davey
Did not make any huge moves beside trading away is productive 1B but if you are concerned look up Philip Visscher. – tbud
I will never doubt Bosma’s ability to field a dangerous team after trading away star players again. – Cheese
The yearly tradition of Bosma trading away one of his better players continues. With most other teams in the PL getting better or staying close to the same, Greenvile’s decision to add zero players in FA is going to kill any chance they had of making the ToC – Pander
They have a deep team and the money to make a late FA splash. Can be dangerous if they make a move. LATE EDIT: C Angelo Delgado ain’t it dawg – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n5. Vancouver
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A model of consistency. Losing Jost to NO gave Chase the slight edge, but will be in the playoff mix as usual – Chros
Dave will continue to win games with Ray Skipworth, somehow. – Cheese
Developer Dave had an elite offseason. – Davey
Nothing flashy this offseason but will get Malloy back to go with his lock down pen and great starting pitching. We keep doubting the Robot but he keeps finding his way into the end of the year tournament. – tbud
Vancouver is going to miss Jost and Delgado. Manoo was quite good for them as well. Urs is back on a cheap contract at least, but they are going to have to pull a rabbit out of their hat to crack the ToC this year. They should be safe from relegation. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n6. Buffalo
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2038 was a year full of disappointment but winter finally comes in 2039. – tbud
Chros will be ranked #1 next year after sweeping the Cup, SL, and ToC this year. – Cheese
Good team. I don’t know that I trust Chros anymore. – Davey
I picked myself 4th last year. FUN FACT: in Cantonese, the word for “four” and “death” are pronounced nearly the same, and therefore the number 4 is considered unlucky. So basically I jinxed myself to death last season. According to fake wins, my pick was justified and it is hard to imagine getting Markused as hard this year. My sanity is on the line, and this time I’m going with 5th. – Chros
They might be in the SL, but they have one of the most potent offenses in USBA and if Guillen can stay healthy they have a rotation that can compete with the best. They are going to win 80 games this year if Markus doesn’t get to them. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n7. Portland
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Meh – Cheese
I don’t know what they’re doing. They traded a good young catcher and the only move they made is trading for a 38 y\/o pitcher who had a 4.50 ERA in the 3L, but somehow they’ll find a way to win anyway like usual. I predicted they’d miss the playoffs last year and I’m going with that again, but just barely – Chros
I don’t love what Buck did with his major league team this offseason. – Davey
Invested a ton of money into his team this offseason\u2026just not his 2039. Buck finally hops off of he who stall not be named coattail. – tbud
They have some pretty big holes on offense, but you can’t have that good of a bullpen and not be a top tier team. Matson coming back was huge win for this team that needs it’s SPs to just keep the game competitive until the bullpen shuts everyone down. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n8. Boston
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Also meh – Cheese
Rough year last year with a ton of injuries. Boston has a lot of prospects on the way but they are not here yet. – tbud
They have one of the biggest deltas of any team in the PL right now. Young pitching is going to either be why they make a run at the ToC or flirt with another relegation series. Firpo needs to live up to his pedigree as a former 1-1 pick. – Pander
Ton of depth. Just a silly amount of depth. Needs for elite prospects to graduate to elite adults. – Davey
Two key players are out for half the year, and Diaz was mostly a disappointment last year, but the two studs at the top of the rotation will help Boston turn things around eventually. Probably not this year though. – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n9. St. Louis
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Accurately predicted their breakout last year. This team scares me and will challenge me for the SL. I can only hope for some sophomore slumps and it taking an additional year before their young studs become stars. However, I will take great joy in potentially destroying a STL team – Chros
Has some elite talent, but there are a lot of holes in this coeur. Scoot will figure it out. – Davey
Nothing of value was lost, young studs got another year of experience. – Cheese
They have a generational player in Zexian, a staff ace in Alfonso and the least holes of the rest of the SL. Their lower than 3L budget has hurt them though and their ability to add much this winter stopped this team from being a run away number 2 in the SL. – Pander
This team has a lot to build off of after last season. Solid team with lots of young talent. Should be competitive for years to come. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n10. Chicago
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GM will be missing then show up sell everything and leave again. The fans will not notice either because they pay less attention to the team than the GM does. – tbud
I just feel bad for this team. Brett and TJ ignoring them didn’t help, but that low of an FI crushing their budget makes it hard to compete. Brett has threatened to trade the team, but no moves have actually been made. If they do sell off expect them to be far worse than this ranking. – Pander
Probably have enough to avoid relegation. Their budget and FI suck, and they get outdrawn by an indoor soccer team. That’s a “Last Dance” reference. – Chros
Probably loses relegation matchup because he still has 6 guys on the IL and didn’t export. – Cheese
They’re much better than this. – Davey<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n11. Las Vegas
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Couple of underrated signings this offseason but Vegas a lot to build back. Their rating would probably be lower if it was not for Philly and Chicago. – tbud
Flamingos look less lucky and more like an actual PL team, but avoiding relegation will be a victory. – Davey
JJ made a dream run last year in the SL but losing Ruud and co. will slow down this offense. Also the higher quality defenses in the PL will probably hurt them as well. – Cheese
Probably the worst team to be promoted to the PL, ever. I’m still annoyed that he had about 4 pitchers on his roster late in FA, yet just had to outbid me and spend half his FA money on two middle relievers. Last place, auto relegated, Chesser and Sison don’t pitch a single meaningful game. – Chros
They were everyone’s darlings last year, but the PL is a whole different story. Seems JJ realized this and went hard on IFAs and signed some castoffs to fill out a roster for the rest of his team. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n12. Buckhead
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…I like what Kerry is doing? – Davey
Bowties had a team who hit a lot of home runs last season but a bump in skill level should equal to less home runs and less wins. – tbud
Gave out a hugh mungus disaster of a contract, but probably good enough to fight for 3rd in the SL. Agramonte had a huge outlier of a career year at age 29 last season and should probably be forced to take a piss test. – Chros
Kerry will have many fun podcasts this year and his team will finish in the middle of the SL. – Cheese
This writeup would be different if they spent the money that went to Mungus on something else, but you know, there is nothing more Buckhead than what they did with Mungus. So this is more appropriate anyway. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n13. Philadelphia 17776
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Best player has been out for the year since September of ’38. :RIP: Philly. I wonder where they’ll relocate to. – Cheese
Even with Aoki they probably finish 10th. Welcome to the league, Matt! – Davey
Matt inherits a team that continues to shed talent year after year. Hard to compete at the top without your best players still on the team. – tbud
Matt will turn this shitshow around and maybe become a league historian or write some cool articles in the process. – Chros
This is what happens to a team when they get completely ignored for a few seasons. I wish the new GM the best in his quest to not finish last. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n14. Charleston
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Oh right, Duck is down here now. Maybe he’ll avoid the double trap door. – Cheese
The team finally recovers emotionally from the loss of Tony Alfonso and are now to pull a Vegas\/STL on the less than stacked SL. – tbud
This is the year Scott Morrison figures it out. – Davey
Traded their way down to the SL. Has a talent for getting 1st round picks for hot garbage – Chros
Yes, they still have Joey Coco, but that’s kind of where the sentence ends now. They are not a bad team, but the rebuilding team is clearly still not ready to take that next step, and their best prospects are still in the minors. Once Luby and Juderias are ready though, watch out. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n15. Oakland
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I don’t think Dan’s team is as bad as their record last year and they may be the only team to gain WAR this offseason without signing anyone. – Cheese
I wonder if Unicorn is available. – Davey
I’m not sure why they were so god awful last season. Should bounce back to be a mid table SL team – Chros
The Oaks will be a part of a lot of exciting games this season but once Unicorn gets hurt the Oaks will stop scoring 10 runs a game but keep on giving up 10. – tbud
This is a team that is paying Unicorn a lot of money to have a 3B and 1B who are very good, but mediocre to bad guys around them. If this team performs like they did in the PL, then they are a midpack SL team, but if they can capture some of that magic and Lewis, O’Connel, Nabeel and Nogilny have bounce back years…. maybe they challenge St. Louis… that’s a lot of questions though. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n16. San Mateo
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$34M to spend as of this writing, so look, I don’t know. – Davey
Dean loves to sign former Raindbow Angel Mermaid Kitties. He will continue to hang in the SL jumble. – Cheese
Here starts the logjam in the middle of the SL that is hard to decipher. They have some very good pieces, but some big holes as well. If they can use the budget space they have available to solidify their team they can make some noise, but if they chose wrong like they did on Mungus, then it’s going to be a long year. – Pander
Some gaping holes that need to be plugged in their lineup, but a solid pitching staff and some money to splurge late in FA – Chros
Team lost their best player last year which will hurt an already offensively challenged team. Good news is pitching usually beats hitting and the Dirty Reds still have some of that. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n17. Fort Worth
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After an insane RD in the 3L (thanks Panda) the Cattlemen did do much to help itself with promotion. This team also doesn\u2019t have any crops on the farm. – tbud
Finally got an all-Scooter league. My guess is this will be the only Scooter in the SL next year. – Cheese
I fully expect Scoot to spend the next 10 seasons in the middle of the SL. – Davey
Scooter lost some things over the winter and didn’t really replace them. The SL is a mess though and there is no reason they can’t keep up with the other teams and at least make it interesting. – Pander
Will be in the mix as they’re carried by some good young bats. Outside of BUF and STL, the rest of the SL is anyone’s guess. – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n18. Nashville
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A middle of the pack offense with a bottom of the pack rotation. Hope you are still enjoying that flag because the Outlaws all peaked in high school. – tbud
Losing Fallows hurts, but they still have some money to spend in FA and still have some potent bats – Chros
Maybe this is the year we see the young Nashvillites come out to play. – Cheese
Nashville 2039: The Loud Man Took Our Binky. Tickets on sale NOW! – Davey
They are the team that is always around, but never seems to get over the hump. Losing Fallows is a big blow to the pitching staff that already had question marks, but Yates and Toope are pretty good and a healthy amount of budget space makes them a team that can add more bats and try to outscore everyone. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n19. Cleveland
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Believeland is back baybee. – Cheese
Everyone seems to be on the Cleveland Browns hype train. Well, we all know how that usually works out. They’ll make the promo playoffs but won’t meet the hype of winning the 3L. Prediction: 4th place – Chros
They are likely a year away from being the best team in the SL, and I think they are going to run away with the 3L. The only reason they don’t crack the top 10 this year is because some of the young players still need a bit more time to develop. They are going to win the 3L by 5 games. – Pander
TreviTHICC is gonna realize those potentials, right? – Davey
Very competitive team from last year and added some quality arms this offseason. Oh and now has a PL Gold Ball winner who I expect to be thrown as often as possible. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n20. Echo Park
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Everyone is saying this is Echo Park’s year, but I’m not sure I see it. – Davey
I want to like this team a lot, but some serious questions surround that pitching staff that was so good at the beginning of last year. If they can replicate that then they are going to be neck and neck with DC, but if they tail off like they did later in the year into the playoffs, then losing Castillo could prove lethal, especially since they lost him to DC. – Pander
Jordan is gunning for a double jump fist pump. Echo Park to the PL or bust. – Cheese
Teetering on embracing the hate – just remember how everyone laughed at you and didn’t believe you. That anger might carry Jordan to a 3L title, but he will finish no worse than 2nd. – Chros
The most exciting team in the 3L as all they will do his hit dongs and strike people out. Expect the Lakers to be promoted a lot by their GM after every sim. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n21. Long Island
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Long Island has a new look and a lot to look forward to in the future. This season is going to be long though. No matter what they they have JVC on a criminally cheap extension, so it doesn’t really matter how ugly it gets in Long Island before the rebound starts. – Pander
Michael traded all of his favorite toys but one. But now he has 0 pitchers. Hey Michael when you read this I’ll trade you pitching for JVC. – Cheese
Name change could not be more perfect. This team is lost at sea and is looking for the light. – tbud
Phoenix 2039: We’re Wasting The Best Years Of A Generational Talent. Ticket packages start at $5!! – Davey
Was not a fan of the Aldo Raine trade, as LI will probably be fighting to stay out of a relegation spot. They desperately need Raine to stay healthy and get a little lucky for him to put up #3 type numbers. JVC may develop disc problems from carrying this team on his back – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n22. Brooklyn
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Brian dumped Quindarious Monday so he could chase a 16-year-old shortstop. Good for Erock. – Davey
Deep roster, but a lot will depend on how the relievers in their rotation will perform. Should be a playoff team – Chros
Erock is making a push and will continue to threaten the top of the 3L. – Cheese
They made moves, but a lot of questions remain. An aggressive contract for Thompkins could be genius, but the 33-year-old pitcher needs to prove he is the guy from 3 seasons ago, not the one that he was the last two seasons. If that addition backfires the pitching is likely to keep them from the top 3 spots. – Pander
This team is built on a foundation of former PL players. If there is any juice left (and I think there is) they should compete with the top spot in the 3L. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n23. Thunder Bay
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See you in 5 seasons when all these picks and specs are ready. – Cheese
That was a pretty crazy offseason, eh? – Davey
This team lost their best pitcher and hitter and held onto a lot of debt. Maybe after they are done paying all their bills they will be competitive again. – tbud
Will be fighting with Long Island to avoid last place. Herrera and Vidro make up nearly half their payroll, but they got a bunch of things for them and have the foundation for a rebuild – Chros
You don’t lose the two best players in the league and get to be ranked super high. The team is likely to refrain from completely bottoming out though, because they still have a lot of good players. The minors are also full and draft picks are coming out of everywhere. Thunder Bay is going to be a force in 2-4 seasons and while some still don’t understand the trades, they will prove the haters wrong. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n24. Seattle
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Big Tuna wants to be relevant but is missing out on the joys that are the 3L. Second-rate bus trips, hitchhiking to the stadium in Montana. Not having to worry about relegation. Playing 30+ games against Houston, KC, and Montana to pad FI with high win totals. You know, the little things. – Cheese
Should score a lot of runs but not positive they stop people from scoring on them. Good news is that the 3L looks like it will have a lot of bottom feeders and they are the tallest midget. – tbud
The new GM has been active and already put his stamp on the team. Losing Mais will hurt their playoff chances, but some late additions have helped sure up a lineup that could do damage is a very bifurcated 3L. – Pander
Vicente Gonzales found himself in the 3L. If he can be the player he’s meant to be, Seattle will contend. However, they may have trouble making trades to improve the team because half the league doesn’t know who the GM is in Slack – Chros
Yo I don’t mean to get weird but I think this team is going to be really good. – Davey<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n25. Mississippi
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Beau made a big splash trading for a free Ice Cold Otero. I think he’ll look good in Hollywood by 2040. Beau won’t even have to retain half. – Cheese
Mississippi 2039: Wait, What Are We Doing? Use promo code FREEOTERO for 10% off tickets! – Davey
So a rebuild was happening and then they got lost somewhere along the way. The surprising addition of Otero and Fitzgerald might be enough to put them over the edge and give them that final playoff spot in the 3L. – Pander
They went 39-70 last year, then gave up a lot for Otero (albeit 100% retained) to try to get promoted back to the SL. That’s a bold strategy Cotton, lets see if it pays off for them – Chros
They will benefit from the drop to the 3L and has an ace that not many other 3L teams have. Also as we approach the season they still have money to spend. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n26. Kingston Township
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Big blow to the team with the early retirement of Ron Bernard. Champ fills Bernard’s shoes swimmingly in the lineup and they still have my favorite non-Shredder Ed Mellor. :heart_eyes: – Cheese
I thought I really wanted Champ until I saw what KT paid him. – Davey
RIP in peace Ron Bernard. Has Markus gotten bored of Buffalo and found a new team to :f: with? Just signed Champ McCoy to a massive contract. Strap that rocket to him and let him fly you out of the 3L – the Chros method! Prediction: 3L Champs – Chros
Ron Bernard retiring randomly didn’t help a team that overachieved last year. The top of the 3L is strong enough that they are going to struggle to kep up. They are not going to be a bottom team though, because Mellor is awesome. – Pander
Team looks great on paper but the box score refuses to acknowledge it. Nothing really points to things getting better this year either. – tbud<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n27. DC United
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Best addition this offseason is a catcher who had a career year at the age of 36. Add that to their demotion and this isn\u2019t the best team but there are still other that are a lot worse. – tbud
How many errors and passed balls will Mario Castillo have this year? Watching him play catcher will provide comic relief for the rest of the 3L – Chros
I probably should rate Gerth higher than 28, but I’m bad at this. – Cheese
Second-best team in the DC area. – Davey
Some nice additions combined with moving down a league help DC go from bottom feeder to possible playoff winner. After Cleveland the 3L has very flawed teams, but that will also make for an exciting race. DC needs something to smile about after some hard years on their trip to the 3L. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n28. Panama City
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I don’t think they’ll score a lot of runs this year. – Davey
Team did not have a great season or offseason but does have a closer who can win him games and a couple of guys looking to step up from the minors. – tbud
The hot tub should be extra bubbly this year. – Cheese
The magic ran out last year, and will probably be more of the same this season. I will always be thankful that they owned Hollywood in the 3L. Never forget! – Chros
This team is in full rebuild and once Brian finds someone to pawn Khokar and Dickinson off on, then they are going to compete for the surprisingly competitive bottom 4. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n29. Toledo
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Cheese’s verbal fellatio of Ricky Sellers finally convinced someone that he’s good. He will be fine, but not worth the hype. – Chros
Ricky Sellers is the future of Toledo, but he can’t do it alone. The long road to relevance has been a bumpy one, but might finally be looking a little bit more smooth for TJ and his merry men. – Pander
Ricky Sellers will lead this franchise to glory. – Cheese
TeeJ gets a ratings boost because I am tired of Davey picking on him. Plus they get a second bonus for knocking me out of the cup last year. THIS IS A GREAT TEAM. [ed. note: this is not a great team<\/em>] – tbud
TeeJ will loudly celebrate all 45 or so wins. – Davey<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n30. Houston
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Houston 2039: We’re (Seriously) Starting 39 Year Old Edison Larson. Tickets are available! – Davey
Houston still winning a few games because they can\u2019t exorcise the ghosts of their past. Also stop me if I said this before but the bottom of the 3L isn\u2019t great. – tbud
Thank you for continuing to pay Qiu – Chros
The Pittsburgh 1837 BBC is still in full tank mode and yet not nearly as good at it as others. – Cheese
They are still retaining salary on a few pitchers, and until that is over they are going to remain near the bottom. If Triforce gets traded they could challenge for worst team in the league. – Pander<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n31. ACKC
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Andy was a ninja in IFA and drafting this year. He might field a team that is worse than Panda’s but probably not. – Cheese
Bad team, bad farm, bad year and try again next year. – tbud
New catcher, new team. – Davey
They were bad last year, but some of that was having players not playing their correct positions. If they refrain from doing that, then ACKC likely isn’t the worst team in USBA. But the reality is these bottom 3 teams are all terrible. – Pander
Wow they have an actual catcher this year! And probably a gold glover at that, look at you! – Chros<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n