Welcome back to The Only Award That Matters™ – Mermaid Tails: The Most Holistic and Inclusive Awards in All of USBA. Please only use the image below if your player wins an award. Any violators of this rule will face swift and violent persecution.
Premier League
C – Stanley Johnston, Hollywood
While Seattle’s Juan Rivera was proving his doubters wrong with a Big Dumper-like offensive season, Stanley With A T quietly came into his own, putting up a very solid 121 wRC+ season. Where he and Rivera differ is on the defensive side, where Rivera was one of the worst framers in the PL as well as one of the worst at preventing steals – Johnston led the league in framing and allowed 24 fewer steals than Rivera.
1B – Ramón Morán, Seattle
Tina foolishly traded a package of picks and prospects for Morán when his BABIP was .500, due for regression. As expected it did regress, all the way to .403, and Tina looked like a fool as Morán hit a paltry .331/.397/.541 over 70 games.
2B – Godspower Nwawuihe, Buffalo
Second base is hands down the worst position to pick an award for. If it’s this bad next year, no one is getting a Tail.
3B – Soo-keun Yi, Hollywood
MVYi was three hits away from winning the PL Triple Crown. Translated to a 162 game season, he hit 54 homers and knocked in 129 runs.
SS – Danny Kemp, Baltimore
Kemp hit .270 with 16 homers and was the best defensive SS in the season. That’s fine. He receives this award, though, because he walked 5 times while striking out 110 times. Over four major league seasons he has 25 walks and 434 strikeouts. Swing away, Merrill.
LF – Obke Veenman, Baltimore
Veenman has serious durability issues (he’s missed 69 games over the last two seasons) and he has no business playing in the field, but he put up an all-time offensive season in 2059 slashing .343/.396/.576 and stealing 25 bases without being caught. Over the last two seasons he has 46 steals in 47 attempts, and I can’t put into words how happy that makes me.
CF – Saikaku Kato, New Orleans
Tbud paid $200k for Kato and he’s now up to 28.7 ZR over three seasons. He’s the Alex Caruso of USBA.
RF – Jose Renteria, New Orleans
Plucked straight off the boat from Cuba for only $18M over three years, the 33-year-old rookie was a Gold Bat candidate for the “rebuilding” Voodoo. The sooner we can launch an investigation into this franchise the better.
DH – Víctor Sánchez, Boston
Boston won the PL this season so they have to get at least one Tail. Congrats Slim Sánchez!
SP – Jesus Ramirez, Seattle
In two seasons with Seattle, Ramirez has led the PL in pitching WAR twice. This year he also led the PL in wins with 13, and was second with 156.2 IP. I guess you could say Tina and Jebus are a match made in heaven.
RP – Ioachime Yakutin, Seattle
In game 109, with the PL title on the line, Yakutin came into a scoreless tie in the ninth inning and gave up a leadoff home run to Lance Slaymaker to end Seattle’s title hopes. His next appearance was game 1 of the ToC semifinal – he came into a scoreless tie in the ninth inning and was responsible for five runs while only retiring two batters. Other than that he was really good.
Silver League
C – Juan Moreno, Pittsburgh
Of the 18 catchers with at least 100 plate appearances, Moreno was fourth with a 92 wRC+. The three catchers above him all had at least 100 fewer PAs than Moreno. Look nerds, I know that catcher defense is a cheat code, but maybe some of you should consider not putting a guy out there that’s an automatic out.
1B – Jesús Serrano, Long Island
In more than a small sample size, Serrano has hit .249/.322/.439 in the PL and .273/.351/.498 in the SL. He’s 36 wRC+ points better in the SL. He celebrated his contract year with a .324 average and 24 homers – I shudder to think where Long Island would have finished without his contribution.
2B – Reynaldo Diaz, Pittsburgh
Diaz is really only good at hitting home runs and taking walks, finishing 12th in homers and 7th in BB% amongst all qualified SL hitters. Fun player when his BABIP is in the .300s.
3B – Bob Davis, Las Vegas
Davis wrapped up his team-controlled years with a Newcomer of the Year, two Gold Gloves, and a Silver Slugger. He seems destined for a spot in the Hall of Very Good. This season was almost exactly the average of what his career has been – .271/.305/.474.
SS – Amador Licopit, Las Vegas
With Yoshitora Nakayama fading into a part-time role, Licopit took the best defensive SS (in the SL at least) mantle and put up a 14 ZR season. He’s not quite the hitter Nakayama is or was.
LF – Juan Suarze, Mississippi
Dude Suarze hits a lot of singles and doubles and plays good defense. He’s boring as hell, but Jacobson was primarily a RF this season so congrats Dude.
CF – Rob Banks, Mexico City
Banks took The Leap™ this season, hitting 22 homers this campaign after 16 total in his first two. Like Kato he’s on an impressive three season defensive stretch, accumulating more than 29 ZR. I’m starting to think having an elite defensive CF is important.
RF – Justin Jacobson, Mexico City
If you thought Veenman had a good season, JJ led the SL with 55 extra-base hits and STOLE 38 BASES WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT. He’s my favorite USBA player of all time, and officially the first two-time Mermaid Tail winner.
DH – Kelsey Tate, Pittsburgh
Tate has had a fun career path. He was drafted in the 11th round of the 2053 draft and spent a lot of years either outright sucking or being barely passable – in 857 career A ball PAs he slashed .239/.302/.392. He really started hitting in 2056, hit 30 home runs in each 2057 and 2058, and in his rookie season this year hit 27 homers and knocked in 88 runs, the most for anyone that doesn’t play in Montaner.
SP – Brandon Fox, Mexico City
Full disclosure, I consider myself and JJ pretty close and we often talk about our fake baseball teams. I have long been a proponent of Fox, even when JJ wanted to give up on him. This year Fox truly rewarded my faith in him, leading all of USBA in IP, and leading the SL in Wins, Strikeouts, and ERA. Over the last three seasons, only Nova Scotia’s Alfredo Maldonado has more innings pitched.
RP – Maxwell Security, Montana/Long Island
Part of the Jerry Cure trade in early June, Maxwell unleashed a silver hammer on the Silver League. The 40-year-old was solid in 20.2 IP with Montana, but was nearly untouchable in 35 innings with Long Island. Over 31 games he saved 19 games, with 20 shutdowns and only 2 meltdowns. I shutter to think where Long Island would have ended up without him.
Menard’s League
C – Seong-ryong Kwon, Dayton
After five good seasons in Long Island, Kwon came to Dayton and helped the Dirty Reds finished third in runs allowed with 421 – more than 100 less than they allowed last season.
1B – Louis Bletsoe, Montaner
Bletsoe knocked in 92 runs and scored 77, and he didn’t even lead his own team in either category. The 31-year-old truly came out of nowhere, having apparently played nowhere of note prior to this season.
2B – Jorge Morales, Oakland
Morales is really only good at hitting home runs and taking walks, finishing tied for 10th in homers and 15th in BB% amongst all qualified 3L hitters. Fun player when his BABIP is in the .300s.
3B – Basilio Penni, Montaner
While we at Mermaid Tail Inc. hate to rely too much on WAR, in Penni’s case it does tell a fun story. His 7 WAR season was the most since Tyler Adams in 2053. It’s the 10th highest WAR season in the last 30 years.
SS – Manuel Gómez, Colorado
Gómez has been amazingly consistent his first four seasons in the majors, combining elite defense with a slightly above average bat. How is Colorado still in the 3L.
LF – Yuk Cuan, Colorado
In the eight years since he debuted, Cuan had a career high of 15 homers and 12 steals. This season at age 30 he topped both, hitting 22 homers and stealing 26 bases. He was one of only two players to go 20/20 this season (Francisco De La Cruz being the other).
CF – Pat Casey, DC
Matt Jenkins can’t win because JJ is the only two-time Mermaid Tail winner. In more than 1300 major league PAs, Casey has 4 home runs and 16 walks. He’s good to great at everything else, this year stealing 43 bases and putting up an impressive 12.7 ZR.
RF – Francisco De La Cruz, El Paso
DLC put up his third 20/20 season of his career this season, and is now 34 and sitting on 38 career WAR. He’s only ever led the league in a category once, with 36 doubles in the 2051 PL. But he’s won five league titles, five Gold Gloves, and two Silver Sluggers. I’m not saying I’m voting him for the Hall of Fame, but I am saying he has a case.
DH – Gregory Hartman, Toronto
In 153 major league games, Hartman has played 1 game in the field – 9 poor innings at 1B this season. He’s as close to a true DH as we’ve got.
SP – Nick Long, Montaner
Nick went 15-2 this season. It was a bizarro Jorge Souza season.
RP – David Guzmán, DC
Guzmán was fine, he saved 28 games and had 25 shutdowns. I think the cooler part is that he’s spent all 13 seasons in DC, putting up more than 1 WAR once and negative WAR once. He’s only 5 saves away from being top 10 all time.