Category: Uncategorized

The Honorary Scooter

The news
Just came in
From the Holly of Wood
That a very loud GM
Has made a trade of a dude
The trade wasn’t very big
But it is setting the mood.

This may not seem
Very important, I know.
But it is. So I’m bothering
Tell you so.

A trade is quite catching, you see. Like a cough.
It just takes one trade to start other trades off.
NOW the news has come in that some GMs not of the ‘woods
Are trading a bunch of their stuff for dudes.

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The USBA Re-Draft

The league office has officially announced my punishment for collusion, cheating, and generally bad behavior. In short the league has been duplicated, and I’m forced to be in a new league, alone, with Cheese. Sigh.

First things first (or first thing after my whining), is a re-draft. Our two teams draft in a snake order with me drafting first.


Catcher

Davey – I was given the first pick so I’d be pressured into taking Divine Diablo. 38% of Cheese’s week consists of him getting me to compliment him/his team. As Gandhi famously said, “Fuck that”. With this pick I select Kameron Guangorena (San Mateo). The Austin, Texas born catcher brings a terrible attitude and I’m pretty sure he uses steroids. He’s also a good receiver coming off a 156 wRC+ season, and is 27 years old.

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USBA KNORTS 2038 Spring Training Extravaganza

Tom called me the other morning. I was on the train so I didn’t answer, but as it was a call before 8am I got to a quiet place as soon as I could and listened to the message – I don’t get a lot of calls that early in the morning.

Tom called to let me know he was in the hospital. He said it was nothing serious, just “routine tests”, but he said it in a way that made it clear he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.

He wanted to make sure Wanda picked up his mail while he was in the hospital. In my adult life I’ve never been concerned much with snail mail, we have the Internet after all. It’s just junk and bills that I haven’t set to email only yet. I imagine earlier in Tom’s life snail mail was more important/exciting, but that was much earlier in his life. I hate to be a skeptic, but were you just using that as an excuse to call, Tom? As an excuse to let me know you’re in the hospital?

Anyway I don’t know Tom or Wanda, but I hope he’s okay. I hope he gets his mail, and hope the tests say the things he wants them to say. Thanks to Cheese, Chros, Grogg, JJ, and Tyler for participating in this version of KNORTS.

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2037 Buckhead Public Hall of Fame Ballot

UNNAMED LOCATION- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE FROM THE PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE OF THE BUCKHEAD BOWTIES 

2037 Public Hall of Fame Ballot

“So many who remembered already forgotten, and those who were remembered them long gone”- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.6

The one thing that we all have in common is that we will die. It is an inescapable fate that befalls us all. In two generations everyone that remembers us will be dead themselves. Our time here is fleeting and we spend it chasing after things that don’t really matter. If we want to use our remaining days to power rank foolish human desires, chasing after Fame (as opposed to spending time writing a fake article about fake computer baseball players), might be at the top of that list. Anyways, here are the best real fake baseball players…

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