2045 KNORTS: October Blood

By | 2021-10-29

I had saved this spot for Scoot to write about his championship belt idea thing, but he never responded. Huh. So ummm, on with the show?

Check out the full rankings here.

1. Greenville

278 wins, three league titles, and a ToC title in the last four years, and they still have the best farm in the league. We’re in the middle of the league’s greatest dynasty. – Davey

She lives in a fairy tale somewhere too far for us to find, forgotten the taste and smell of the world that she’s left behind – Tuner

Another year, another title. Ho hum. – Cheese
2. Boston

Only has 264 wins and five trophies in the last four years. – Davey

Pockets overweight, gettin’ hefty, ah Coming for the king, that’s a far cry, ah I come alive in the fall time, I The competition, I don’t really listen – Tuner

JAM and Nicky are FAs after this season. Those are big shoes to fill if he lets them go like Ohm. – Cheese
3. Athletic Club KC

Best ACKC team of all time. – Davey

I’m not gonna lie I’ll not be a gentleman Behind the boathouse I’ll show you my dark secret – Tuner

I hope ACKC can overthrow the oppressive PL overlords and shake things up but I think third is more realistic. – Cheese
4. Long Island

Outside of the top three PL teams everyone has holes, and someone has to finish fourth. – Davey

My therapist said not to see you no more She said you’re like a disease without any cure She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no – Tuner

LI is going to sneak into the ToC this year. Despite all the hate thrown his way, Michael has navigated the last few seasons well and this year we see the payoff. – Cheese
5. Nova Scotia

No doubt lock to win the SL this season, and it won’t be close. – Davey

This year I’m in here, I’ll spell it out to make things clear. Meanwhile your end’s near, I’ve gotta land and I’m in gear You people wonder who’s next up, that conversation really ends here – Tuner

I think this Brooklyn team has what it takes to make it to the PL. Erock has done a great job navigating his way out of the 3L. – Cheese
6. St. Louis

Finished fourth in the PL in base runs last season, but the sun’s getting low big guy. – Davey

I dig my toes into the sand The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless And in this moment, I am happy Happy – Tuner

I want to like the St. Louis Scooters, but I’ve been burned before. – Cheese
7. Northern Virginia

Entering my eighth straight year in the PL… I’m pretty sure the only teams with 10 straight years are Brooklyn, Boston, Atlanta/STL, Portland/Baltimore, and Vancouver. – Davey

Kudos, my hero, leavin’ all the mess You know my hero, the one that’s on There goes my hero Watch him as he goes There goes my hero He’s ordinary – Tuner

Average PL team does average PL team things. – Cheese
8. Seattle

Bad offseason, and their financial future looks even worse. – Davey

Forgive, sounds good Forget, I’m not sure I could They say time heals everything But I’m still waiting – Tuner

Mario ‘Casino’ Castillo is going to have a resurgent season in his contract year and some schmuck will overpay him this offseason. – Cheese
9. Pittsburgh

Not a fan of those offseason moves, good bud. – Davey

It’s twelve o’clock and it’s a wonderful day I know you hate me but I’ll ask anyway Won’t you come with me to a place in a little town The only way to get there’s to go straight down – Tuner

Like a turd in the punch bowl, Pittsburgh floats on. – Cheese
10. San Mateo

Set a franchise record with 68 wins last season and still has plenty of prospects, it feels like their first trip to the PL is right around the corner. – Davey

There’s no simple way To let you know Funny how she always cried out daddy I got a big surprise, she said I’m in trouble now and it cannot wait She’s ten days late Boy, your life got complicated – Tuner

It was a real crime San Mateo didn’t make it to the PL last year. Expect more of the same this year. – Cheese
11. Panama City

Will finish first in prospect points this season. – Davey

What’s the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation I let love down the drain There’s the pitch, slow and straight All I have to do is swing and I’m a hero But I’m a zero – Tuner

I wanted to pick PC first in the SL and would’ve, had Dr. Hottub actually put any of that money he’s been dragonpiling into his pitching staff. Instead I foresee a midpack finish. – Cheese
12. Hollywood

Will finish first in FI points this season. – Davey

No sense in signing up You’re names already in Go ahead, yea, fucj it up, The next guy pays for it – Tuner

Tomorrow’s stars today. This team should probably invest in some starting pitching though. – Cheese
13. Vancouver

No doubt lock to win the 3L this season, and it won’t be close. – Davey

And Harry doesn’t mind, if he doesn’t, make the scene He’s got a daytime job, he’s doing alright He can play the Honky Tonk like anything Savin’ it up, for Friday night With the Sultans We’re the Sultans of Swing – Tuner

Dave’s 3L to lose. No pressure or anything. – Cheese
14. Colorado

Five straight seasons in the SL midtable, this team is trapped in purgatory. – Davey

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh no I can take you higher Oh oh oh, I’m on fire – Tuner

Mack is pure evil. His team is probably better than this but they lose points for him being evil. – Cheese
15. Toledo

I hope I’m wrong, but not sure I remember a window closing this fast. – Davey

I was a teenage anarchist But then the scene got too rigid It was a mob mentality They set their rifle sights on me – Tuner

My second favorite SL team. I hope I’m wrong and TeeJ wins it all. Or at least another USBA Cup. – Cheese
16. Charleston

Miserable second stint in the PL looks to almost be over. – Davey

Oh, Mama, I’ve been years on the lam and had a high price on my head Lawman said, ‘Get him dead or alive.’ Now it’s for sure he’ll see me dead Dear Mama, I can hear you cryin’, you’re so scared and all alone Hangman is comin’ down from the gallows and I don’t have very long – Tuner

3L ETA: 2047 – Cheese
17. D.C.

Second-best team in the DC area. – Davey

Sold my soul and singed my name in blood Stole it back now praying in the dark Fooled the devil begging for a fight Count the dollars make your bet tonight – Tuner

Gerth is the best Magic player I know. He knows how to identify the Bombs but he’s missing the REA from his BREAD. – Cheese
18. Ft. Worth

Scoot said he didn’t want to go back to the PL, and his offseason reflected that. – Davey

Erase this disaster even faster than you came to see A creep from the cradle and a hero driven want to be – Tuner

Scooter got did dirty when he won promotion by accident for a 2nd time. Hopefully he can avoid the bounceback this time around. – Cheese
19. Buckhead

I love Kerry. – Davey

It’s been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song. Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling Tell me baby, where did I go wrong? – Tuner

I want to say Buckhead will be good but I had to drop them down because Kerry goes MIA way too much. – Cheese
20. Mississippi

I also want a SS or CF with multiple years of control left that can hit and catch. Small world. – Davey

Funny how the heart can be deceiving More than just a couple times Why do we fall in love so easy Even when it’s not right? – Tuner

Rylen Roersma leaving means this team is destined to tread water at best but could wind up sinking if Beau isn’t careful. – Cheese
21. Baltimore

Still has the top talent to contend in the SL, but that depth. – Davey

As weeks went by It showed that she was not fine They told me, “Son, it’s time to tell the truth” And she broke down and I broke down ‘Cause I was tired of lying – Tuner

Blow it up, start fresh. Head to the 3L to scrub the taint of Portland and begin anew. – Cheese
22. Las Vegas

Love the Shinn trade, hate that the GM can’t open his heart musically. – Davey

New blood joins this Earth And quickly he’s subdued Through constant pained disgrace The young boy learns their rules – Tuner

Vegas deserved better, and Tom has delivered. Oddsmakers are saying many good things. – Cheese
23. Detroit

I think there’s a lot of talent here, but DPenny needs to start earning some trust ASAP. – Davey

My seat is leather, alright, I’m lying, it’s pleather But girl, we could still ride together You don’t need a Uber, you don’t need a cab Fucj a bus pass, you got a Moped man – Tuner

If D$ starts winning I wonder if he’ll start chatting. He used to be vocal but now he’s a ghost. – Cheese
24. Echo Park

Many are saying that this is Echo Park’s year, but I just don’t see it. – Davey

Relax, said the night man, We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave – Tuner

This is EP’s year? – Cheese
25. Thunder Bay

Someone’s going to break out in the 3L this year, I think it might be the ThunderScoots? – Davey

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin’ I see bad times today – Tuner

ThunderScoots has rebuffed all attempts to foil his plans and he has set himself up to be competitive, but I think this team really shines in 2046. – Cheese
26. Oakland

I’m not sure what I more excited about, Ohm getting 20+ games against Buffalo and Montana or him playing in OF (it’s definitely him playing in the OF). – Davey

I have a mansion, forget the price Ain’t never been there, they tell me it’s nice I live in hotels, tear out the walls I have accountants pay for it all – Tuner

I like a lot of moves that Dan has made this offseason. – Cheese
27. New Orleans

Liked the offseason moves, but I still think there’s a long road ahead. – Davey

It’s nothing, it’s so normal you You just stand there, I could say so much But I don’t go there ’cause I don’t want to – Tuner

Maybe next year this team will compete instead of treading water. – Cheese
28. Kingston Township

I think it’s gonna be a really rough year in Kingston. – Davey

Save me, I can’t be saved I won’t I’m a president’s son I don’t need no soul – Tuner

Back to the depths of the 3L with this club. – Cheese
29. Nashville

Nice to have you back, Fred. – Davey

Hey, they call me the fireman, that’s my name Makin’ my rounds all over town Puttin’ out old flames Hey, well, everybody’d like to have what I’ve got I can cool ’em down when they’re smolderin’ hot I’m the fireman, that’s my name – Tuner

Fred’s vacation has come to an end but his team is going to need some TLC to right the boat. – Cheese
30. Cleveland

Still an infinitely better GM than Brett. – Davey

You’re gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear All that’s left is a ghost of you Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart There’s nothing we can do Just let me go, we’ll meet again soon – Tuner

Cleveland is probably cursed by being Cleveland more than anything. – Cheese
31. Buffalo

Kinda feel like having the top two picks in a top-heavy draft is a big deal. – Davey

No worries, papa’s got a brand new bag of toys What else could I possibly do to make noise? I done touched on everything but little boys And that’s not a stab at Michael That’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho – Tuner

When Chros finally gets out of debt, he’s going to be very scary. Thankfully we have a few seasons before he turns his corner. – Cheese
32. Montana

Dibs on Pummy. – Davey

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions Oh, let’s go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails Heads on a science apart – Tuner

Somehow this ranking feels too high still. – Cheese