I had saved this spot for Scoot to write about his championship belt idea thing, but he never responded. Huh. So ummm, on with the show?
Check out the full rankings here.
| 1. Greenville 278 wins, three league titles, and a ToC title in the last four years, and they still have the best farm in the league. We’re in the middle of the league’s greatest dynasty. – Davey She lives in a fairy tale somewhere too far for us to find, forgotten the taste and smell of the world that she’s left behind – Tuner Another year, another title. Ho hum. – Cheese |
| 2. Boston Only has 264 wins and five trophies in the last four years. – Davey Pockets overweight, gettin’ hefty, ah Coming for the king, that’s a far cry, ah I come alive in the fall time, I The competition, I don’t really listen – Tuner JAM and Nicky are FAs after this season. Those are big shoes to fill if he lets them go like Ohm. – Cheese |
| 3. Athletic Club KC Best ACKC team of all time. – Davey I’m not gonna lie I’ll not be a gentleman Behind the boathouse I’ll show you my dark secret – Tuner I hope ACKC can overthrow the oppressive PL overlords and shake things up but I think third is more realistic. – Cheese |
| 4. Long Island Outside of the top three PL teams everyone has holes, and someone has to finish fourth. – Davey My therapist said not to see you no more She said you’re like a disease without any cure She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no – Tuner LI is going to sneak into the ToC this year. Despite all the hate thrown his way, Michael has navigated the last few seasons well and this year we see the payoff. – Cheese |
| 5. Nova Scotia No doubt lock to win the SL this season, and it won’t be close. – Davey This year I’m in here, I’ll spell it out to make things clear. Meanwhile your end’s near, I’ve gotta land and I’m in gear You people wonder who’s next up, that conversation really ends here – Tuner I think this Brooklyn team has what it takes to make it to the PL. Erock has done a great job navigating his way out of the 3L. – Cheese |
| 6. St. Louis Finished fourth in the PL in base runs last season, but the sun’s getting low big guy. – Davey I dig my toes into the sand The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless And in this moment, I am happy Happy – Tuner I want to like the St. Louis Scooters, but I’ve been burned before. – Cheese |
| 7. Northern Virginia Entering my eighth straight year in the PL… I’m pretty sure the only teams with 10 straight years are Brooklyn, Boston, Atlanta/STL, Portland/Baltimore, and Vancouver. – Davey Kudos, my hero, leavin’ all the mess You know my hero, the one that’s on There goes my hero Watch him as he goes There goes my hero He’s ordinary – Tuner Average PL team does average PL team things. – Cheese |
| 8. Seattle Bad offseason, and their financial future looks even worse. – Davey Forgive, sounds good Forget, I’m not sure I could They say time heals everything But I’m still waiting – Tuner Mario ‘Casino’ Castillo is going to have a resurgent season in his contract year and some schmuck will overpay him this offseason. – Cheese |
| 9. Pittsburgh Not a fan of those offseason moves, good bud. – Davey It’s twelve o’clock and it’s a wonderful day I know you hate me but I’ll ask anyway Won’t you come with me to a place in a little town The only way to get there’s to go straight down – Tuner Like a turd in the punch bowl, Pittsburgh floats on. – Cheese |
| 10. San Mateo Set a franchise record with 68 wins last season and still has plenty of prospects, it feels like their first trip to the PL is right around the corner. – Davey There’s no simple way To let you know Funny how she always cried out daddy I got a big surprise, she said I’m in trouble now and it cannot wait She’s ten days late Boy, your life got complicated – Tuner It was a real crime San Mateo didn’t make it to the PL last year. Expect more of the same this year. – Cheese |
| 11. Panama City Will finish first in prospect points this season. – Davey What’s the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation I let love down the drain There’s the pitch, slow and straight All I have to do is swing and I’m a hero But I’m a zero – Tuner I wanted to pick PC first in the SL and would’ve, had Dr. Hottub actually put any of that money he’s been dragonpiling into his pitching staff. Instead I foresee a midpack finish. – Cheese |
| 12. Hollywood Will finish first in FI points this season. – Davey No sense in signing up You’re names already in Go ahead, yea, fucj it up, The next guy pays for it – Tuner Tomorrow’s stars today. This team should probably invest in some starting pitching though. – Cheese |
| 13. Vancouver No doubt lock to win the 3L this season, and it won’t be close. – Davey And Harry doesn’t mind, if he doesn’t, make the scene He’s got a daytime job, he’s doing alright He can play the Honky Tonk like anything Savin’ it up, for Friday night With the Sultans We’re the Sultans of Swing – Tuner Dave’s 3L to lose. No pressure or anything. – Cheese |
| 14. Colorado Five straight seasons in the SL midtable, this team is trapped in purgatory. – Davey Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh no I can take you higher Oh oh oh, I’m on fire – Tuner Mack is pure evil. His team is probably better than this but they lose points for him being evil. – Cheese |
| 15. Toledo I hope I’m wrong, but not sure I remember a window closing this fast. – Davey I was a teenage anarchist But then the scene got too rigid It was a mob mentality They set their rifle sights on me – Tuner My second favorite SL team. I hope I’m wrong and TeeJ wins it all. Or at least another USBA Cup. – Cheese |
| 16. Charleston Miserable second stint in the PL looks to almost be over. – Davey Oh, Mama, I’ve been years on the lam and had a high price on my head Lawman said, ‘Get him dead or alive.’ Now it’s for sure he’ll see me dead Dear Mama, I can hear you cryin’, you’re so scared and all alone Hangman is comin’ down from the gallows and I don’t have very long – Tuner 3L ETA: 2047 – Cheese |
| 17. D.C. Second-best team in the DC area. – Davey Sold my soul and singed my name in blood Stole it back now praying in the dark Fooled the devil begging for a fight Count the dollars make your bet tonight – Tuner Gerth is the best Magic player I know. He knows how to identify the Bombs but he’s missing the REA from his BREAD. – Cheese |
| 18. Ft. Worth Scoot said he didn’t want to go back to the PL, and his offseason reflected that. – Davey Erase this disaster even faster than you came to see A creep from the cradle and a hero driven want to be – Tuner Scooter got did dirty when he won promotion by accident for a 2nd time. Hopefully he can avoid the bounceback this time around. – Cheese |
| 19. Buckhead I love Kerry. – Davey It’s been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song. Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling Tell me baby, where did I go wrong? – Tuner I want to say Buckhead will be good but I had to drop them down because Kerry goes MIA way too much. – Cheese |
| 20. Mississippi I also want a SS or CF with multiple years of control left that can hit and catch. Small world. – Davey Funny how the heart can be deceiving More than just a couple times Why do we fall in love so easy Even when it’s not right? – Tuner Rylen Roersma leaving means this team is destined to tread water at best but could wind up sinking if Beau isn’t careful. – Cheese |
| 21. Baltimore Still has the top talent to contend in the SL, but that depth. – Davey As weeks went by It showed that she was not fine They told me, “Son, it’s time to tell the truth” And she broke down and I broke down ‘Cause I was tired of lying – Tuner Blow it up, start fresh. Head to the 3L to scrub the taint of Portland and begin anew. – Cheese |
| 22. Las Vegas Love the Shinn trade, hate that the GM can’t open his heart musically. – Davey New blood joins this Earth And quickly he’s subdued Through constant pained disgrace The young boy learns their rules – Tuner Vegas deserved better, and Tom has delivered. Oddsmakers are saying many good things. – Cheese |
| 23. Detroit I think there’s a lot of talent here, but DPenny needs to start earning some trust ASAP. – Davey My seat is leather, alright, I’m lying, it’s pleather But girl, we could still ride together You don’t need a Uber, you don’t need a cab Fucj a bus pass, you got a Moped man – Tuner If D$ starts winning I wonder if he’ll start chatting. He used to be vocal but now he’s a ghost. – Cheese |
| 24. Echo Park Many are saying that this is Echo Park’s year, but I just don’t see it. – Davey Relax, said the night man, We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave – Tuner This is EP’s year? – Cheese |
| 25. Thunder Bay Someone’s going to break out in the 3L this year, I think it might be the ThunderScoots? – Davey I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin’ I see bad times today – Tuner ThunderScoots has rebuffed all attempts to foil his plans and he has set himself up to be competitive, but I think this team really shines in 2046. – Cheese |
| 26. Oakland I’m not sure what I more excited about, Ohm getting 20+ games against Buffalo and Montana or him playing in OF (it’s definitely him playing in the OF). – Davey I have a mansion, forget the price Ain’t never been there, they tell me it’s nice I live in hotels, tear out the walls I have accountants pay for it all – Tuner I like a lot of moves that Dan has made this offseason. – Cheese |
| 27. New Orleans Liked the offseason moves, but I still think there’s a long road ahead. – Davey It’s nothing, it’s so normal you You just stand there, I could say so much But I don’t go there ’cause I don’t want to – Tuner Maybe next year this team will compete instead of treading water. – Cheese |
| 28. Kingston Township I think it’s gonna be a really rough year in Kingston. – Davey Save me, I can’t be saved I won’t I’m a president’s son I don’t need no soul – Tuner Back to the depths of the 3L with this club. – Cheese |
| 29. Nashville Nice to have you back, Fred. – Davey Hey, they call me the fireman, that’s my name Makin’ my rounds all over town Puttin’ out old flames Hey, well, everybody’d like to have what I’ve got I can cool ’em down when they’re smolderin’ hot I’m the fireman, that’s my name – Tuner Fred’s vacation has come to an end but his team is going to need some TLC to right the boat. – Cheese |
| 30. Cleveland Still an infinitely better GM than Brett. – Davey You’re gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear All that’s left is a ghost of you Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart There’s nothing we can do Just let me go, we’ll meet again soon – Tuner Cleveland is probably cursed by being Cleveland more than anything. – Cheese |
| 31. Buffalo Kinda feel like having the top two picks in a top-heavy draft is a big deal. – Davey No worries, papa’s got a brand new bag of toys What else could I possibly do to make noise? I done touched on everything but little boys And that’s not a stab at Michael That’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho – Tuner When Chros finally gets out of debt, he’s going to be very scary. Thankfully we have a few seasons before he turns his corner. – Cheese |
| 32. Montana Dibs on Pummy. – Davey Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions Oh, let’s go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails Heads on a science apart – Tuner Somehow this ranking feels too high still. – Cheese |