2054 KNORTS: Anyone Can Play Guitar

Gather ’round, baseball enthusiasts, for the dawn of the 2054 USBA season approaches with the subtlety of a brass band in a library! I’m Charles Dryden, longtime USBA correspondent and your guide and scribe through this impending saga of bats, balls, and bases. Prepare thyselves for an expedition into the heart of America’s grand pastime,… Read More »

2053 KNORTS: Meet Me At The Reservoir

It’s been a while, huh? Since we last did this six different teams have won the PL, so yay parity! We missed a Hollywood dynasty, and a near second Buffalo dynasty, I’m sure you all would have loved to read about that. Sorry. Anywho, I figured the only way to bring back something like this… Read More »

This Week in Trade-ball

Ah, trade season, the time of year where every baseball mogul, rube, and rambler hopes to strike a deal that’ll be remembered for decades. So, here we are, ready to dissect these trades like a surgeon at a fish market! Onward, my baseball aficionados! Hollywood Shredders and Montana Pandas Play the Ol’ Moneyball The Hollywood… Read More »


Act I: The Premier Pantomime Ah, the New Orleans Voodoo – the fresh darlings of the Premier League! Just as their moniker suggests, there’s something mystical in the Bayou air. Their Cuban sensation, Eduardo Lopez, is said to have arrived in the US of A by sailing on a raft fashioned from discarded baseball bats,… Read More »

2046 KNORTS: Saving the Best for Last

Everybody wants to get famousBut you just want to dance in a basementYou don’t care if anyone is watchingJust as long as you stay in motion Keep dancing in the basement, my 3L lovelies. Vancouver Wolf Pups (74-34, 1st place in the 3L, is totally going to come back…) What they should do: They gotta… Read More »

2046 KNORTS: Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo

Trapped in purgatoryA lifeless object, aliveAwaiting reprisalDeath will be their acquittanceThe sky is turning redReturn to power draws nearFall into me, the sky’s crimson tearsAbolish the rules made of stone Welcome to the Silver League! Nova Scotia Kracken (68-40, 1st place in the SL, thinks his team could have done better) What they should do:… Read More »

2046 KNORTS: The Remix Part 1

Having conquered the traditional KNORTS format by predicting basically everything correct in the 2045 season, the geniuses at Davey Industries have decided it’s time for a change. With a slight tweak to our formula, we’re now able to predict the offseason! In the interest of getting more Click Engagement™ (and so I get paid for… Read More »

2045 Tuna Stars

The rules for the Tuna Star game are the same every year, each batting position will have a starter and a backup. Five starting pitchers and five relief pitchers. Each team needs to have at least one player in the Tuna Star game. First year in the SL and I went all homer. Last year… Read More »

2045 KNORTS: October Blood

I had saved this spot for Scoot to write about his championship belt idea thing, but he never responded. Huh. So ummm, on with the show? Check out the full rankings here. 1. Greenville 278 wins, three league titles, and a ToC title in the last four years, and they still have the best farm… Read More »

2045 KNORTS Addendum

Team Average Highest Spot Loves Them Hates Them Greenville 1.00 1 Everyone No One Boston 2.00 2 Everyone No One Athletic Club KC 3.33 3 Davey & Cheese Tuner Long Island 5.33 4 Cheese Tuner St. Louis 6.00 3 Tuner Davey Northern Virginia 6.33 5 Cheese Tuner Seattle 6.33 6 Tuner & Cheese Davey Pittsburgh… Read More »