2046 KNORTS: Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo

By | 2022-01-11

Trapped in purgatory
A lifeless object, alive
Awaiting reprisal
Death will be their acquittance
The sky is turning red
Return to power draws near
Fall into me, the sky’s crimson tears
Abolish the rules made of stone

Welcome to the Silver League!

Nova Scotia Kracken (68-40, 1st place in the SL, thinks his team could have done better)
What they should do: Not be an idiot like always, and wait for things to fall in place. This GM is notorious for making snap decisions that hurt him in the long run. You don’t have to trade right away. Sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side. – Tuner
What they will do: Despite promotion and a good deal of budget space, I expect a quiet offseason. A big move for a top SP or a power bat will come, but not until after the start of the season. I do expect Tom Smythe to be in another uniform sooner rather than later. – Davey

San Potato Dirty Reds (64-44, 2nd place in the SL, won SL promotion series, is tired of getting phone calls from Americans asking if his toilet flushes clockwise or counter clockwise)
What they should do: Be a happy GM. They have a lot of young talent locked up at a cheap price and now they get a budget bump. They probably can’t make it happen but I would want to try and move away from that Slaybaugh contract. The bottom of their lineup is weak but they have the money to fill those holes now. They will probably finish in the top six of the PL with things the way they are. – Tuner
What they will do: Nine years in the SL suggest they have that famous Australian patience. I think there will be one big major league signing/trade, let’s say on the offensive side, but as my cohort said as is they are already likely a mid-table PL team. And that’s probably fine, for this season at least. – Davey

D.C. Divided (61-47, 3rd place in the SL, lost the SL promotion series, second-best team in the DC area)
What they should do: Win the SL, they have pieces to make it happen. They need corner infielders and when I look at the trade block I see plenty of them there. They need a couple of SP as well. If the season starts to go south, I move Hileman to the top bidder. – Tuner
What they will do: Year five in the SL was a good one. There’s not much in the minors and the trio of Alhama, Hileman, and Arntsen were just given $360M in extensions. So I would expect some win-now moves, and a spectacular fallout if they don’t win now. – Davey
Mississippi Blue Jays (58-50, 4th place in the SL, still unsure of the difference between a 4-4-2 and a 4-1-4-1 so don’t even get him started on “Gegenpressing”)
What they should do: Even after locking up CF Campos and 2B Barron there’s an awful lot of financial flexibility here. Beau loves young men, but he should invest heavily in the major league team and smash the SL. Oh, and keep Ai-de Lau’s clock from starting as long as possible. – Davey
What they will do: Complain about the lack of big boy pants in chat. Say he is going to sell and then buy players to end up in the middle of the SL. – Tuner

Hollywood Shredders (57-51, 5th place in the SL, “I will never leave the pl”)
What they should do: Replace as many major league pitchers as possible, and invest in young pitchers in the draft and auction. Avoid talking about his offense as much as possible so the rest of the SL hopefully doesn’t realize the insane amount of talent they’ve got. – Davey
What they will do: Talk about this talent in chat to the extreme. Show pictures of the home run records they are putting up. Finds a star SP that a team will trade him and he will have them pay for the remaining contract. Cheese Lockā„¢ that he is getting promoted, only to finish fifth. – Tuner

Colorado Billy Goats (55-53, 6th place in the SL, USBA Cup champion, now has a seat at the trophy-winner table)
What they should do: Well well well. This is a story of a team that got a lot of praise for hanging in the SL, but what now? They’re a young team with some minor holes. The SPs and bullpen should be better. Force was a dicj because as soon as we traded his competition, he had his worst hitting season. I would look for one of the better bats out on FA and add them. Make them fit where you can. – Tuner
What they will do: The USBA Cup victory was nice, but another 50-something win season has woken something deep within Goatbud. Lots of financial flexibility going into the offseason, and I expect a very aggressive season, more so on the trade side of the transaction spectrum. – Davey

Toledo Bees (52-56, 7th place in the SL, had a shockingly boring season)
What they should do: Thank Markus for PC being relegated rather than Baltimore. Fix David Alcuba and either find a way to play him and Chris Bacon in the field at the same time, or trade one (Alcuba) of them. Get better pitchers. – Davey
What they will do: Have his entire starting rotation, minus Sellers, go down to injury. Listen to Cheese confess his love for Sellers and trade him back to Hollywood while he retains 100%. – Tuner

Panama City Piranhas (49-59, 8th place in the SL, lost the SL relegation series, asks his staff to provide receipts on all business expenses – ALL of them)
What they should do: Make amends with Marc. Because even if you two have come to terms with breaking up it’s awkward as hell for the rest of us. And I don’t know maybe spend some money on your major league team. – Davey
What they will do: Nothing. Not sign any FA, not sign any IFA, and when he is asked about why he made no moves will make a comment that he would if he only had the money. Dave will end up taking his extra cash to push him back down to $50 million. – Tuner

Baltimore Wizards (46-62, 9th place in the SL, won the SL relegation series, “I eat garbage”)
What they should do: Things are looking up. I thought they would be way worse but Markus was kind. Rocha is becoming one of the best players in the league and if he can stay healthy, he can carry a team. They don’t have much money so not sure what they can add. If they can survive another year in the SL they will be ok. They will push to move Gobbles-Rooster and Guangorena. I know a Seattle team that first signed the cocj eater and I would reach out to him to see if wants him to fill his hole at 1B or 3B. – Tuner
What they will do: It’s a real Trust the Process situation going on here. They spent $96M on IFAs between 41-44, so it’s almost time to start seeing a return on that. Baltimore will trade one of the guys Tuner mentioned so they can spend more on IFAs, because Buckbud is addicted to teenagers. – Davey

Kingston Township Razors (30-78, 10th place in the SL, is not ready for another 27-season stint in the 3L)
What they should do: Be sad that they’re going to the 3L and Nova Scotia is going to the PL, so they are losing a bunch of wins. They have no money and a couple of big contracts. I would try to move them if I can and prepare for the future, as it’s going to take a few seasons to turn this ship around. Their top prospects are a couple years out so I would just wait. – Tuner
What they will do: Chase Sims and Currito Fonseca are gone, one this offseason and one at the trade deadline. KT will not sign an IFA. – Davey