Express take Wiz on Bums

By | 2015-11-18

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – On a scale of USSR 3- USA 4 to Donald Trump becoming President of the United States the results we saw today were uncharted territory. In the opening round of the 2021 USBA Cup we were witness to the lowly Wizarding club give the Brooklyn club of the Premier League a bare bottom spanking that dominatrixes across the nation are envious of. In game one of the two game set Wizarding rode six pitchers over nine innings to shut down the vaunted Brooklyn offense. The likely Hall of Fame trio of Wilcox, Sears, and Dyer were brought to their knees faster than a Tinder date. Combined the three only managed one hit apiece while the Express offense was a team effort that accrued 13 hits of their own.

“This is the best day of my life”, said Wizarding GM Dan Pressing “Up until this point the best day of my life was when I ran over my dog on the way to school where I failed a test. I have to say this is way better”

Meanwhile the return trip to the West Coast left the Brooklyn club empty handed which is very rare for the mostly single fanbase. In game two the Express picked up right where they left off proving that a little magic was left in their wooden wands. Despite committing two errors the SF club was able to come away with a win in front of their home crowd thanks to a seven inning 130 pitch performance from Ben Smith.

While it was the best day of the Wizarding GMs life the same cannot be said for Troy the long time suit for the Dodgers. We were unable to get a quote from the Bums GM, but reports are that he was found in the hotel bar long after the game ended muttering about his team not being clutch.