USBA KNORTS – Preseason 2035

By | 2019-04-21

Welcome to the second edition of USBA KNORTS! This time around we are joined by Grogg Gold Sox, Duck Battery, and Chros Express. – many thanks to them for keeping the KNORTS alive.

Due to litigation we are required to mention the OSA rankings, though I would like to state that Davey Industries totally did not rip off any of OSA’s ideas and those three senior employees chose to come to Davey Industries on their own volition.

PL predictions
SL predictions
3L predictions

1. Boston
Boston and Portland will soar higher than the rest, lock their talons, and fight the whole season while speeding towards the cruel flat earth. We can only hope the impact destroys them both. Boston wins the PL, Portland’s self-confidence is shattered – he retreats to the comfort of the Y to beat aging Polish men at basketball – Grogg
2. Portland
A huge extension to an ace pitcher on the wrong side of 30. How much will it hinder Portland’s window of success before it’s time to tear it down? Portland’s GM will have to get “creative” as he always does before the inflated payroll cut’s that window short. – Duck
3. Las Vegas
LV and NO round out the ToC. – Grogg
4. Buckhead
5. New Orleans
6. D.C.
7. Charleston
Bishara is a key addition to a team that played mostly small ball last season. Now they’re just an ace away from being an all-around solid team. Charleston has the farm and financial flexibility to add one, or will Aldo Raine/Jason Starkey be able to fill that void? Will Joey Coco build upon his rookie season and put up MVP numbers? Early favorite to win the SL championship if things continue to go in Charleston’s favor. – Duck

Charleston-Nashville-RC-THB playoff fight – Grogg
8. Philadelphia 1776
9. Vancouver
10. Chicago
Trapdoor, we just don’t look like we’re going to stack up. – Grogg

Huge signing of Qiu to pair with Alfonso at the top of the rotation. Will it be enough to fight into the ToC? – Duck
11. New Jersey/Mississippi
12. Thunder Bay
A couple of top prospects in Cornu and Slaybaugh get the call with a few others waiting in the wings. Key additions of Kyoji Hakoda and Jorge “The Bird” Herrera round out Thunder Bay’s team for a legitimate shot at promotion. – Duck
13. Athletic Club KC
A real threat to win the SL Championship. Shun Komatsu is a powerful addition to the middle of the lineup. ACKC could be the best lineup in the SL, especially if they can get a full season out of Pablo Hernandez. But will the pitching be enough? – Duck
14. Nashville
A solid team. The additions of Scott Kerin and Dorian Daly are huge for a team 10 games out of a playoff spot last season. Their rotation is arguably the best of the SL and the offense isn’t too shabby either. However, Nashville’s GM has only made one trade in league history since taking the reins. Will he pull the trigger to put the team over the top? Time will tell. – Duck
15. Houston
With the loss of Scott Kerin, Houston enters 2035 a little less #Stronk. PMJ returns after missing 2034, but expecting a top of the rotation performance would be asking a lot. Houston still bolsters a high-octane offense that could fight for a playoff spot, but a mid-season move might have to be made if Houston wants to avoid their slogan going from #Stronk to #Louston – Duck

SL Winner – Grogg
16. St. Louis
It appears that St. Louis’ GM has decided that one season in the SL is enough time away from the PL. The acquisitions of José Corona and Count Dante combined with upcoming talent could put this team right in the mix of the playoff hunt. Don’t even get me started on his farm system… Go ahead and take a gander. Just make sure you have some Kleenex and lotion at your side. – Duck
17. Richardson City
Richardson City has had a quiet offseason. Despite having a payroll of $52mil, RC had an interesting approach and decided not to take advantage of the tremendous FA class and will be debuting a handful of young guns instead – including top pitching prospects Joy-shan Men and Eugenio Piñeiro. The Big Tuna is not far behind either, and may join the big league club midway into the season. RC’s chance at promotion is probably still a season away, but a couple of trades could speed up the process. – Duck
18. Northern Virginia
It’s been a long time since NOVA has been in the SL. Excluding Space Unicorn’s 18m salary, NOVA has $25mil on the books. Looks like it’s all but a sure thing for the Rainbow Mermaids to win a trip to the ML for only the second season in franchise history. Will we see Space Unicorn playing for a different team to help speed up the rebuild? (ed. note: chances are slim) I hear Bolivians are huge fans of Duck. – Duck
19. Oakland
The Oaks will sit high atop the 3L and will fight for promotion at the end of this season – Chros

Oakland’s magic died towards the end of the 2034 season, falling out of the top spot. Will Oakland redeem themselves and earn a promotion to the SL? – Duck

3L Winner – Grogg
20. Greenville
Loaded with young talent and should be promoted to SL at the end of the year along with Oakland – Chros

It may actually finally be Greenville’s year. How many years will it be before the prophecy actually fulfills itself? – Duck

Montana-Greenville-Phoenix-Ft. Worth fight for promotion – Grogg
21. Toledo
Toledo has set themselves up with a pretty sweet rebuild, starting with the move of Tural Bishara. The team is still flush with veteran talent that could easily contribute to staying in the SL or used as trading chips to contribute to the rebuild. – Duck
22. Seattle
Looking like a favorite to be demoted to the 3L. Seattle was only 4 games up on the relegation playoffs last season and not many moves were made in the offseason to avoid falling to the 3L. Seattle’s only hope at this point rests on NOVA and Toledo’s shoulders. – Duck

Trapdoor season? – Grogg
23. Montana
The Pandas sold off a lot of assets and lost about 19 WAR, but remain projected to finish among the top of the 3L. I am rooting for them to get out of financial hell. – Chros

By far one of the most exciting teams to follow. Hoping to see Montana in the PL sometime in the near future just to see how bonkers this team could get with that budget. – Duck
24. Phoenix
Phoenix sucks. Hi Michael. Here by default because they were in SL last season. – Chros
25. Ft. Worth
Ft. Worth is projected to finish with he exact same 51-57 record as they did last year. They’ll continue to be in the middle of the pack of the 3L, and should probably look to deal some of their aging stars. – Chros
26. Wizarding
Yu will certainly perform like a guy that makes up 80% of the team payroll, but how the Wizords do this season and going forward will depend on if young players such as Vargas and Lazcano take a step forward. – Chros

Oh boy I cannot wait to see what Je-myung Yu does. – Duck
27. Brooklyn
Brooklyn had a busy offseason in the 3L, good enough to not be the absolute worst – Chros
28. Echo Park
Luis Diaz is a young stud, but has a bit of development to do and he has nothing else around him. – Chros
29. Quebec City
Quebec City had the busiest offseason in the 3L. They lost a nice player in Simpson, and hope to replace his production with guys like Vega and Mendoza. I believe in quality, not quantity, and in the end the improvements they made are marginal. – Chros
30. New Amsterdam/Hollywood
Diablo and Shamburger hope to break out to help revitalize this franchise. – Chros
31. Panama City
Panama literally did nothing this offseason. They will be bad again. – Chros
32. Kingston Township
Ed Mellor looks primed to have a breakout year. – Chros