The Honorary Scooter

By | 2020-03-24

The news
Just came in
From the Holly of Wood
That a very loud GM
Has made a trade of a dude
The trade wasn’t very big
But it is setting the mood.

This may not seem
Very important, I know.
But it is. So I’m bothering
Tell you so.

A trade is quite catching, you see. Like a cough.
It just takes one trade to start other trades off.
NOW the news has come in that some GMs not of the ‘woods
Are trading a bunch of their stuff for dudes.

At this moment, right now,
On seven more blocks,
Great trades are in the works.
They’re working so hard they haven’t changed their socks.

That trade of that one little team is still spreading!
According to latest reports, it is heading
Across baseball fields, through sleepy night air,
Across the whole country toward every-which-where.
And people are gradually starting to say,
“Oh crud, I need something and I need it today!”

Trade thoughts
Are spreading
Throughout the whole land.
The time for night trade of free agents is at hand.
Up at San Mateo offices, where great Dean watches
And calculates and moves in coordinated marches,
the soon to be free players pack up their stuff(es)?
That Dean is just grand for trading at the clock
If you happen to be up that way with your block.

The news just came in from teams still in the Cup
That the lights are still on and waiting for deals to turn up.
The old dealmaker makers just said with a yawn,
“My deals are for making and they’re going to get made
‘Til the :robot: shuts it all down and ends this charade.
I can’t go to bed now. So somebody better
Come round with a pitcher of considerable stature.”

The number
Of traders
Is steadily growing.
Fort Worth is where
More and more people are going.
In Montana Springs, in the Old-Fogey’s Hall,
The Old-Fogey’s bats are all lined up on the wall.
The Panda’s Old-Fogey’s have called it a day.
They’re all packed up and ready to move on they say.
This is very big news. It’s important to know.
And that’s why I’m bothering telling you so.

Counting up trades ..?
Just how do we do it ..?
Really quite simple. There’s nothing much to it.
We find out how many, we learn the amount
By an Audio-Telly-o-Tally-o Count.
In a Slack channel, halfway between Reno and Rome,
We have a machine with a plexiglass dome
Which listens and looks into everyone’s home.
And whenever it sees a new trade pop up,
It writes it down with nary a hiccup.
Our commisioner counts these trades as he sips on his cup.
And that’s how we know who is down and who is up.

It’s a great night for hot takes! I just had a report
Of some boys who are tops in this cringeworthy sport.
The purveyor of hottest takes in all the fair land
Is @Kerry-Suckhead and his hot take of the day band.
This band can spit takes that are so far up river
So terrible they would make forty elephants shiver.

The news has come in from the Bay of Thunder
That Vidro is not available, in case you wonder.
And how is he able to make such a statement?
I tell you. I inquired last week and I found
That Vidro just sign a 6 year extension with player option to end it!

I’m running on fumes, so I’ll wrap this thing up.
Walt Coffman is coming back home to makeup.
Manoo to Vancouver is really fun to say,
As Mississippi unloaded a fair amount today.
Champ may be on the move to a new team soon
And now everyone is hoping their boys are immune
To the ravages and savages of August and Sepetember
For when they collapse Davey will help you remember.

“You’re doing great, Chros, really.”