2034 NoVa Hall of Fame Ballet

By | 2019-01-11

Kerry is very inspiring. He has inspired me.

3B Ray Sears

Ray Sears is the best defender in the history of our league. He’s also the best offensive 3B in the history of our league, unless you consider Pedro Willis a 3B. Pedro retired in 2024 after playing 6 games for Ft. Worth – I can’t imagine a more perfect team for Pedro to retire with. He put up a -2.37 ZR in 45 innings in the field.

2B Thom Wolcox

Sears has more career WAR, but Wolcox is probably the best player in our league’s history, right? Over the 2019-2020 seasons Thom hit .369 with 55 home runs in 203 games; he was worth 17.1 WAR. I like to think that in 2034 “Thom” has surpassed “Tom” as the more common spelling due to the massive popularity of World President Thom Yorke.

C Enrique Perez

Through age 32, Perez was probably already a Hall of Famer. He had compiled more than 50 WAR, won a SL MVP, PL Gold Glove, and was a three-time PL Silver Slugger. Then he was traded to Fort Worth in 2024, when he went into a downward spiral that included a .213 batting average and .301 OBP over the next six seasons.

LF Tony Dyer

Dyer is the only person to hit .400 in the PL, and he did it twice. He has four of the six highest single-season batting averages in the history of the league, and the highest career batting average. Bad fielder and slower than molasses.

CF Ramiro Salazar

Ramiro was so good his surname was retired. As punishment for doing a crossword puzzle too slow, he spent his final season in USBA pitching in the minors for Atlanta, going 1-5 in 9 starts. Won the 2021 MVP for a really bad NoVa team, and for that I am forever grateful.

C Don Brown

I wish we had play-by-play history, if for no other reason than to know who 39-year-old Don Brown stole a base against in 2018. It was the only stolen base attempt of his career, so the pitcher and catcher were probably shocked. Hit .424 and was worth 10.7 WAR in 2014.

SS Eduardo Alvarado

In 2015, Eduardo set the all-time USBA single season home run record with 63 dongs. This record will never be broken. A shortstop coming into the season, he inexplicably played 51 games in CF during his record-breaking season, and he played very poorly out there. Why? Because he played for the Fort Worth organization, that’s why.

SP Ryan Davis

Davis was the best pitcher in USBA his first three seasons. He won 2 Gold Balls and was a SL pitcher of the year. Given a second life as a relief pitcher by Richardson City in 2023, he’s probably the closest thing we have to Dennis Eckersley.

SP Jim Eliott

Fun fact, Dave actually went back and gathered all the data for historical PAP. But upon seeing Eliott’s career PAP he became violently ill and deleted it, to save the rest of us from the horror. Eliott had one of the best peaks for a pitcher in USBA history. Please use pitch counts.

SP John Wilkins

Wilkins is one of four pitchers with at least 50 WAR. Pedro Alejandrez is at 49.8 now, and though his ratings have taken a hit you’ve got to think he gets to 50. After that, Eddie Kop (32yo, 43.6 WAR) is the only guy within shouting distance of the magic number. Walt Coffman has 38.2 WAR, but he’s missing next season. Juan Guillen is entering his age 30 season, and he has 33.7 WAR. Enjoy your aces while you have them.

RP Roy Robinson

**Stolen from my RFUSBAHOF writeup and updated** Roy Robinson might be the most dominant player in USBA history. He posted an ERA below 1.00 four times, and his career ERA was 1.56. In 2016 he allowed 3 runs and 16 hits in 49 IP, walked 7 and struck out 79. From 2013 to 2020 he allowed 50 earned runs; 75 pitchers allowed more earned runs than that last year alone.

1B Mike Silver

Mike Silver was kind of like the USBA version of Joey Votto. His rookie year he was the first and only 50/50 player in the history of our league. He hit 369 career home runs and retired as the homer leader (Downing has since passed him). He’s 12th all-time in steals with 261. Silver is nothing like Votto that’s an inaccurate lede.

CF Marc Talamante

Muy Caliente is the most important player in the history of Panama City. He married the ex-ex GM. He is probably the second best defender in USBA history. He went into coaching after he retired but I can’t find him right now. Andrew, you need to hire some staff.

3B Bob Campbell

Campbell signed the most famous contract in our league’s history, a whopping 6-year, $210 million deal after the 2018 season. This contract basically ruined Atlanta, who then traded him to Houston, who was then ruined. Campbell had a pretty good career.

2B Bob Heller

In 2023 Heller knocked in 102 runs, a feat that has only been achieved 6 times in the :robot: era of USBA. Two years later he hit .151 in 219 at bats, which led to me searching for a worse offensive season, which led to me discovering Jorge Rosa. We should have a Jorge Rosa Award for worst player of the year.

Jorge Rosa played for Fort Worth, because of course he did.