If I wasn’t just one kid standing on another kid’s shoulders in a trench coat you’d be in trouble, buddy.
Thanks to this year’s KNORTS crew, we probably have too many PL guys. Some of you non-PL guys should write for this next year.
Here are the individual rankings so you know who to target your hate toward.
| 1. Hollywood I love Natoff as a closer, but I think Cheese is one Little Tuna away. – Davey If history repeats itself, Hollywood will bounce back to win the league after choking in painful fashion the season prior – just like how they won the SL after choking away the 3L in laughable fashion. Their deep rotation carries them to the top this year. – Chros How did you guys let this happen? You let him become too powerful. He took your players and made you pay for it…… He built the wall and we will all pay. He had sex with your mom and then you paid him money. Shame on you. The good news is you are learning and sticking him Fallows and .7 WAR for 24 million is a good start – Tuner According to OSA I have 6 of the top 10 SP in the PL, so if I don’t win that’s pretty bad. Also, Rule #1 is in effect. (Always vote for yourself) – Cheese Got help in hitting lefties with the addition of Blanke and no longer has Dave around to pick on him with all the lefties this year is Hollywood’s to lose…but so was last year – tbud Your free workspace is limited to 5 GB of Hollywood comments. If you upload more comments, you’ll lose access to some older ones. To view them again and get more space, upgrade to a paid plan. – Grogg |
| 2. Northern Virginia I think I did a really good job this offseason. – Davey The offense scares me. The pitching doesn’t as much, aside from potentially being murdered by Orly Bear. He’s still not happy that I traded him to Montana. Also I’m accounting for the injuries I will inflict to his offense. – Chros He is the champ and I cant move him down too far. He has to be knocked down. Not having Ringor for 3 months (ed.note FFS Tuner it’s less than two months) will hurt for sure but I have faith. I love the additon of Kroening – Tuner I have no doubt Davey will find some rainbow magic to spend all of his extra dollars on this year but he certainly whiffed on a lot of pitchers. – Cheese Had a hard time picking NOVA to finish second because you know back to back titles and his teams ability to have the “it” factor. There is no way he wins it three years in a row – tbud Defending back-to-back PL champions, and if you add the SL before that he’s won 3 league titles on the bounce so that he dropped some WAR this offseason is not a concern. Until proven otherwise, there he sits, on his fucking perch. Looking down on us, with his jokes, and obscure musical references. – Grogg |
| 3. New Orleans tbud loves to tinker, and he’s got more depth to tinker with than anyone this season. – Davey A lot will depend on how Mais bounces back after missing all of 2039. If he manages not to suck too bad while he works off the rust, NO will be right there with Cheese for 1st. – Chro According to the Off-Season center, Chase is the winner of it. Gunner will fit very well into the #2 spot of an already powerful lineup. His major question mark will be his pitching. This season will fall on Mais and how he bounces back from his injury. Of course he has Ashley but if Mais struggles it will just be Ashley and others. He will win games still but not be the champ he wants to be – Tuner Upgrading this year to Second Place Chase. Maybe next year, friend. – Cheese Highest team payroll (actually paid by the team) only to struggle to make the ToC. All that money just to keep up with the Jones’ – tbud One reason I think the 2040 seasons might be the best yet, is NOLA has added a ton of WAR, taken the payroll title from Cheese (not that he pays for it), and positioned himself in a 3-way brawl. I’m popping extra corn in anticipation of this season’s Slack. – Grogg |
| 4. Buffalo Aoki could be the best acquisition this offseason. – Davey Didn’t really do much to address the major league team aside from some late trades to overhaul the bullpen. The pen will be a force though, and with some breaks I think I can possibly finish 2nd or 3rd but not quite enough for 1st this year. – Chros WINTER IS COMING. Be prepared. Chros just wins and he will keep winning in the PL. My guess is he is going to add a couple more big names to fill some holes. – Tuner For someone fueled on hate, Chros has been pretty calm since winning the SL and Cup last year. Seems like a good candidate for the ToC or a great candidate for -11 xW. – Cheese Team has looked like it was ready to win the PL for 3 years now but they have a knack for underachieving plus they will get hit with a little bit of that PL “this is bullshit” factor. – tbud A half-step behind those front three are the White Walkers with a newly revived dragon that breathes nothing but pure hate and he’s going to demand regular feedings. Darkhorse for the title, and someone to watch in the Cup. – Grogg |
| 5. Boston Maybe the best pitching staff in the league. – Davey Their young players are coming of age and they’ll be back to piss everyone off soon enough. – Chros I have said it before and will say it again. Boston reminds me of the Michigan Wolverines. I have heard rumors they were great but I have not seen anything. Will this be the year they start the return to greatness? I think its the start. They have so many good young players that even Jarod from Subway is jealous. – Tuner Pitching heavy and young, Boston could be a wildcard this year but likely finishes outside the top 4. – Cheese Boston has all the pen arms but fortunately enough for us is OOTP doesn’t do well if using the pen like you want. Offense is also super reliant on some top prospects who haven’t found their way yet. – tbud I enter my 10th season writing words I never thought possible…. Boston.. might.. go down. I take it back, Evil is too Tyler to allow such a stain on his sterling record. So he’ll beat the worst of the mid-pack to survive and fight another year in the PL. – Grogg |
| 6. Charleston Unsure of how the team will recover from losing a once in a generation talent like Spencer Powell. – Davey :oof: Duck has had a disaster of an offseason and struck out on a bunch of players – Chros Charleston looks like a middle of the road to bottom PL team. They would do great the SL as long as Buffalo is not around. Not a huge fan of his pitching and the lineup is ok. – Tuner Duck is back. Too bad he traded his ace. – Cheese Charleston is a team who is super middle of the pack with everything. So this is where you belong. – tbud Maybe slightly edges out Greenville, who also shed WAR this offseason, but the feel-good wave of promotion carries them and lifts them that little bit they need, but there is no safety-net between midtable and the relegation scrum. – Grogg |
| 7. Greenville Kingston Liniak made an unforgivable mistake – do the right thing and cut him, Bosma. – Davey Still some good young pieces, but did nothing to add to their team this offseason. Biding his time as his prospects marinate in AAA – Chros I think Greenville could be scary good if they were around more. He has amazing young talent and if he signed a couple of key vets he could be fighting in the top 4. With No FA added so far, I am not sure what the plan is. I love Phillip Visscher and would give Fred’s left nut just to have him on my team – Tuner Bosma will continue to churn out good, dangerous, young teams. I fear the day he decides to bring in a few vets in the offseason to compliment his stacked farm. – Cheese Greenville has the current #2, 9, 11, 12, 19, 30, 33, 35, 36 and 53rd PL prospects in AAA at the moment. 7 of those are pitchers and we already know “Greenville prints offense,” said Davey. Help is on the way. – tbud If Boston & Portland stay up, it will come at the expense of Greenville or Charleston. The PL will be as entertaining at the bottom as it is up top (joke removed by author). – Grogg |
| 8. Portland I liked the major league moves this offseason, I think the core is just getting too old for Buck to compete for the top 4. – Davey Some of their players are getting old, while their younger players might need some more time to break out. – Chros Buck was the GM of the year in the PL last year. He sold some pieces and tried to sell more and still ended up in the middle of the pack. Getting Guangorena back will pretty much insure that he stays somewhere in the middle again. Call him the Jimmy Eat World of the PL going forward – Tuner Still selling everything, but also signing Guangorena to a big boy deal. I’m sure he’ll be up on the block soon too. – Cheese Portland finishes strong last year and screams “RUN IT BACK TURBO.” Only to be disappointed when his catcher batting average falls 40 points and Dotson’s talent regression finally means something. – tbud The trees logo still carries a certain stench, I hope Buck finally does the noble thing and seppukus the season – Grogg |
| 9. Chicago Brett had the worst offseason in the USBA, still a lot of talent on this team. – Davey Was in the TOC last year and lost some key players, but should still have enough to avoid relegation. – Chros Hey Brett here and I am ready to trade – (Gets offers and just leaves. Couple of days pass) Hey Brett here and I am ready to trade…..Wash Rinse Repeat. Another team that could be good if they did anything. – Tuner Supposedly this is the season we see Brett do something. – Cheese Sox have a bunch of fun players who appear to be just spending time in Chicago until the league allows them to move elsewhere. Maybe should be higher than Cleveland but Grog prays to Markus more. – tbud Old/Missing Blurbs: 1 – Chicago Silver Sox – Grogg |
| 10. Cleveland The franchise will never recover from trading Trevithicc. – Davey Buying the Cleveland hype this year. Grog has put together a nice rotation that will need to carry them. – Chros IMO the GM of the year in the 3L. Although Olthof is a dick, I like the signing of him. I like the trade for Arnie Harper more. I was trying to get him and just was too cheap to give up what Grog did. I wonder what Matson he will get, the Portland Matson or Charleston Matson. It would not surpise me if Cleveland wins the SL – Tuner Grogg is good. I wonder if he’ll just trust in Markus from the start this season. – Cheese Was a hot pick for me last year, only to disappoint, only to COMPLETELY REDEEM HIMSELF, also kind of feels like the only SL team who wants to win. – tbud Your Cleveland Browns had the hottest of springs (10-2), adding 5 WAR in acquisitions, and might surprise a field that as a whole appears more focused on rebuilding. – Grogg |
| 11. Fort Worth Second in ZR last season. When Scooter goes full darkside and leads the league in ZR, watch out. – Davey Ft. Worth made some minor moves, but don’t think it’s enough to put them over the top. They should contend again and battle Buckhead for that last playoff spot. – Chros I am torn on who will win the SL. The SL feels a lot closer to the 3L than the PL this year. I think of this group though that Ft Worth will be the best team of the group. I love Kolby Hay and think he is primed for a break out year. For the most part this is a young team so they could go off or fall flat. I am banking on them going off – Tuner I think this Scooter did 6 straight years of playoffs w/no promotion in the 3L. I wonder if he can match it in the SL. – Cheese The SL is a sad, sad place and Ft. Worth added some WAR unlike most others in the league so they are the second tallest little person. – tbud I see FTW running away with the SL, and with room to spare in the league could focus attention on a deep cup run. – Grogg |
| 12. St. Louis This is the most confident I’ve ever been in a team winning 70 games. – Davey Everyone picked them to be in the promotion playoffs last year, and they ended up getting relegated instead. Hard to put my finger on what is wrong with this team, but they still have talent and should win the 3L. – Chros What am I doing, putting Nellyville into the top 10? A 3L team in the top ten is crazy you say…. Well not so fast my friend. The SL is going to be trash this year and my bet is if Scooter was still in it he would win it. He still has a little bit of money to spend so I bet he grabs a couple of key pieces to push that fast track back into the SL – Tuner Crossword Scooter should’ve probably gone to the PL rather than 3L last year. Expect a very Buffalo in 2039 season from the Corerurer. – Cheese Going to double down on STL this year after last years disappointment. They run through the 3L – tbud The Hors d’Coeurs should win the 3L by a couple of lengths – Grogg |
| 13. Mississippi I think there are some holes, but Beau’s aggressiveness in acquiring top talent will serve him well. – Davey Safe to assume they will spend that remaining 51m in FA money and land some big bats, but how long it takes might be costly. Will be a tight race for the SL with their offense vs Cleveland’s pitching – Chros Beau went all in last year and got promoted. He could double down and do it again. He has holes and he needs to do what Beau does best and spend that Money and/or trade those young guys. I know Beau and Beau wants to win. – Tuner Once Allerdale and Jost sign in Mississippi I expect them to win the SL playoff to double jump to the PL. – Cheese The 100M man who spent 30M in IFA and held onto the rest. Well until he decides to pay Allerdale. Miss has a solid chance of funding the commish party this year – tbud The south may in fact rise again one day, but it won’t be Mississippi this season. They should have enough about them to avoid relegation, but injuries or a hot start from Vancouver or Philly could give the snow globe a good shake. – Grogg |
| 14. Buckhead No way they’ll be on the wrong side of xW-L again. – Davey Young team that should be a playoff contender – Chros Not sure how I feel about the Medina signing. The good news is he did not cost a lot. Jesus needs to be batting 4th. Get people on in front of him and let him use his 11 power. – Tuner Team still has some shiny toys and will only continue to improve. – Cheese Bowties have a chance to have a great year but the potential lack of Kerry’s students kills the teams morale. – tbud Studs & scrubs, not enough to be elite but enough to be in the playoff picture for sure. – Grogg |
| 15. San Potato Three straight SL fourth-place finishes. The most average team in history? – Davey San Mateo always sticks around, but can’t see them in the playoffs. They’ll be somewhere in the middle. – Chros San Mateo has a chance. They have been active this off-season with the signing of Han. Han will bring a big bat to a team that needs it. I am also a fan of the signing of Jesus Torres. – Tuner Deano Bambino will continue to tread water in the SL. – Cheese At least I know Dean will export. That automatically puts him in the top half of the league, right? – tbud I have the San Potatoes leading a pack of SL playoff contenders, whose fight will be the story in the SL this season. – Grogg |
| 16. Las Vegas Might allow a Panda-like number of runs this season. Hopefully will not play 25% of the season with 40 pitch counts. – Davey Miraculously avoided relegation last year but will probably finish last this season. – Chros Oh Vegas, your time was up last season but you stayed alive. I do not think you will have the same luck this season. This team might do the ole double down as well. – Tuner This team is channeling Marshawn Lynch. “We just have a full roster so we don’t get fined.” – Cheese This ranking has just as much to do with the Mingo’s in the PL as it does the lack of talent in the team but also has to do with the lack of talent on his team. – tbud They say cats have nine lives, I’m not sure how many Flamingos have but I suspect he’s just run out. I see them on the express down escalator come end of the term. – Grogg |
| 17. Thunder Bay Thunder Scooter has some Dudes, even after trading those two Dudes. He’s a Dude factory. – Davey Ocasio probably won’t outperform Herrera again…. right? – Chros I was caught in the middle of the SL track…Thunder…… I looked around and realized the talent was lack…..Thunder….. My mind raced and I thought signing Kerin would do….Thunder… But I’m sorry Slaybaugh there is no help no help for you…..Thunder – Tuner Thunder Scooter went and stole the 2040 draft last year and didn’t get nearly as good of a draft as hoped. That being said this team did well last year and will only get better with time. – Cheese Really good in some places but really bad in most – tbud Scrubs & studs, not enough to be great but enough to be in the fight for the last playoff spot. – Grogg |
| 18. Oakland The Si contract is the worst in the league. – Davey Space Unicorn is already hurt lol. Has some decent pitching that might help him avoid relegation – Chros OAKLAND……Sign some players….. Or trade some players….. Do Something…….. Playing GM for a day I would move the high end players I could and start the rebuild process – Tuner Healthy Space Unicorn means good things for the Oak Oaks (ed. note: honestly not sure when Cheese wrote this comment, but it has to have been during a 2-day window in March). – Cheese Will be better if Space Unicorn plays 108 but …you know – tbud The Oaks are my ‘real men of genius’ candidate that goes to anyone finishing .500 in the SL. I can never remember if that is the mean, median, or the mode but its a fun target. – Grogg |
| 19. Nashville Mark Toope is almost the greatest player of all time. – Davey Fred added a bunch of pitching this offseason, and should have an improved defense. They should avoid relegation as he retools. – Chros Sierra’s no trade clause may kill Nashville. No doubt in my mind he would be long gone by now and the team would be in a better place. Fred is making moves this off-season. He has been in the SL for the last 6 years and survey says he will be in it again – Tuner I want the Nashville Freds to be good so very much. One of these days. – Cheese Lost some big pieces but have some ML ready prospects ready to bust out. Most importantly they play in the SL – tbud I see the ‘ville avoiding any relegation entanglements but not challenging for the playoffs. I love the SL midpack, it’s the USBA’s sweet spot. – Grogg |
| 20. Seattle Tuner selling his way out of promotion last season was one of the craziest things I’ve seen. – Davey Oh boy… are you really planning on starting Luis Vargas? lmao. Big Tuna should be back in the playoff hunt despite Vargas undoubtedly dying again – Chros Not much can be said – Tuner Rocketship to the 3L playoffs. Probably loses to Montana or Toledo though and has to do another year of 3L. – Cheese Really know nothing about this team outside of they were the second in the 3L and didn’t get much worse – tbud I see Seattle as a 3L playoff team and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly in the playoff bracket. – Grogg |
| 21. Houston Franchise is doomed after the loss of its long-time AGM. – Davey They were a Cinderella story last year, but I think they take a step backwards this year due to that pitching staff. – Chros I am not huge on the Talia signing. I know a lot of people like him but he seems just like a meh player to me. I am just not in love with this team. We can be friends but that’s as far as we can go – Tuner The Pittsburgh Blue Jays stay in the middle of the 3L pack. – Cheese Talia should help this team since he clearly prefers the 3L. Houston is the most improved team in the 3L who finished above .500 last year – tbud Houston remains a 3L playoff team. – Grogg |
| 22. Brooklyn Honestly after like 15 or so it’s borderline impossible to rank these teams. – Davey Ok so I had to move a bunch of teams down 1 spot because I didn’t look at Brooklyn yet and just kinda assumed they sucked. But I am high on Brooklyn! They’re my dark horse for the 3L. Loaded with young talent and stole Jordan’s stud closer – Chros The game loves you Brooklyn. I am unsure. That’s a huge deal for Holling and I hope it works out. The good news he has 6 power. – Tuner One of these days Brooklyn will burst forth from the 3L again. I don’t think this is that year. – Cheese Tied with EP in fake wins last year so only decided to steal EP’s talent to be better this year. – tbud I have the Dodgers as a very good team, one that should easily qualify for the playoffs and even contented for automatic promotion. – Grogg |
| 23. Montana If I had faith in Pander keeping this team all season I’d have them a few spots higher. As is they’re in the playoff mix, which is nice. – Davey Montana will be as interesting as ever, as they are all in on competing this season. This will be fun to watch as always – Chros I want to trust you panda… I do but my heart is unsure. As the great George W once said Fool me once shame on you, Fool me – you can’t get fooled again. One day you could say that you are trading for vets and the next day you could be trading all your vets for picks. You have a chance – Tuner I think the Pandas sneak into the playoffs. I also think that’s about it. – Cheese This team will get on base, put the ball out of the park and give the people what they want. – tbud Like tennis rankings, Montana’s historical performance drags them down into the “we’ll believe it when we see it’ category after finished #31 in ELO – Grogg |
| 24. Toledo Kop has had two velocity decreases and a stuff decrease since October. – Davey Wow Toledo did a lot of stuff. Definitely did not expect them to sign Kop. That really screwed over Davey, so kudos – Chros The Ricky Sellers of Toledo pushed their chips in this offseason. According to the off-season center they added the most WAR and we know what that is good for. I like the signing of Sanu but feel they overpaid for old man Kop. The 3L is 1 good team and a bunch of middle teams so I would not be shocked if Toledo makes the climb out this year – Tuner Ricky Sellers will win the PotY and lead Toledo through the 3L playoffs to the SL. – Cheese Teej sign Kop so he wins the offseason but will not do so much in the regular season. – tbud Like the caterpillar that emerges as a beautiful butterfly, our TeeJ has returned for the season as a team transformed. No longer a lottery team, these Stingers have been working out with those murder hornets. – Grogg |
| 25. Kingston Township Mellor, McCoy, and pray for rain. – Davey Quiet offseason after signing Champ last year and went a disappointing .500. Zero moves made so I don’t see how that changes – Chros Decent team with a good middle of the lineup. The M&M boys can do a lot of damage. The pitching should do well enough to keep them in 3L games. – Tuner I’m pretty sure this team is still reeling from the sudden retirement of Ron Bernard. They’ll make it interesting but this is not the year. – Cheese Congrats on your opening day addition of Tah but sorry that you will be throwing harder than him come the offseason. – tbud KT is a contender for the mosh pit that is the 3L playoffs, but at this point, I have them on the outside looking in. I also think if they can get in, they have a decent shot at promotion. – Grogg |
| 26. Echo Park Y’all member that time Jordan was like one out from getting promoted? – Davey The top 2 in their rotation is as good as any, but they need more talent surrounding them. – Chros I am worried for Echo Park. He lost Holling and has not added anything this offseason. – Tuner Jordan hasn’t put down Civ to realize the offseason started yet. RIP Echo Park. – Cheese Team won more than it should last year and followed it up by doing nothing this offseason so shouldn’t be too much fun on the beach this season. – tbud If the rumors about Montana are to be believed, Echo Park looks to be sliding into a top 3 selection – Grogg |
| 27. Long Island Swear to Jebus Google Sheets gave me an error when I tried to copy and paste the comment over here. Probably best. – Davey Greg Hodge is nearly ready, and Michael is always looking to trade. I think they can contend as is, as their offense and pitching is already better than some playoff teams in the 3L last year. – Chros Long Island in for a long season. The 3L looks comfortable and welcoming but she can be a bitch. You may think well I will only be here for a season or two….. 10 years later you have the 1-1 pick again – Tuner Michael is a trade tease. His team might be better but he loses points for not pulling the trigger (league note: eyeroll). – Cheese Long Island has the biggest stick but only has one stick ( Updated after trade) Still has one stick but has a promising young arm. – tbud With DC, an east coast donnybrook in the 3L dead zone between competing for the playoff and competing for a top pick. I hope a local train-based rivalry develops this season – Grogg |
| 28. Philadelphia 17776 Still has some players and is better than Couver, but seems hellbent on getting relegated. – Davey Also rebuilding. Maybe a little worse than Vancouver. Either way they’re both on the way down to the 3L. – Chros In line with Couver this team will do the double down. – Tuner Mack finally finishes cleaning house and heads to the basement to rebuild. – Cheese In the same boat as Vancouver, helping this team to win games will get you shipped out of Philly quicker than saying you hate Rocky – tbud Philly looks to be relegated from the SL in spectacular fashion, could even snipe the top pick. – Grogg |
| 29. Vancouver Saw a thing the other day about how the Smokey Bear campaign was actually detrimental to our nation’s forests, because forest fires are beneficial to the natural cycle of forest life. – Davey Embrace the suck and go full tank. It’s actually kind of freeing to not care about results at all. – Chros This will not be a shock to Dave but I project him to do the double down. Dont worry, sit back with your feet up and watch the farm grow. Bad news he is currently ranks as the worst farm in the SL so it may take some time – Tuner Hi Dave. At least you’re not 32nd? – Cheese I have all the faith in the world for Dave to build another winner but he needs to find himself at rock bottom first. – tbud Vancouver: Under reconstruction since 2040 – Grogg |
| 30. Washington Baseball Team Second-best team in the DC area. – Davey Washington Baseball Team. They are there. They exist. – Chros DC has added pieces but I just dont know how I feel about them. Hileman looks like an amazing pitcher and I would be excited to have him. Part of me feels like could be the #5 team in the 3L and the other part feels like could be #11 – Tuner DC will rise again eventually. – Cheese Had a tough year last year but did more than most when it comes to improving so it should be better – tbud With Long Island, an east coast donnybrook in the 3L dead zone between competing for the playoff and competing for a top pick. I hope a local train-based rivarly develops this season. – Grogg |
| 31. ACKC Mike Rios is probably a couple of years away, as is this team. – Davey Spending a lot of time with 16 year olds in third world countries – Chros Young pitching that can blossom into something good. The issue is the lineup is not going to hurt anyone. – Tuner ACKC continues to build a stable of teenage boys that could be very dangerous in a few years. – Cheese Won more than they should last year, didn’t replace talent and will probably be a disappointing year. – tbud ACKC jockeying for lottery position, they could as high as 29th. – Grogg |
| 32. Panama City This franchise won two PL titles. – Davey 32/32, you are the absolute worst – Chros The good news is rock bottom is good solid ground. You can only go up or sideways. – Tuner 1-1 is within reach and there will not be any competition this year. – Cheese Only thing hot in PC is the tub this year. – tbud PC finished last in ELO, but ELO got nothing to do with getting hotties in the hot tubbies – amirite? high5 Brian – Grogg |